Long Live Elvis and Long Live Brooks Koepka

Elvis is not dead. He is still alive. He has been reincarnated as Brooks Koepka.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A post shared by Elvis Presley (@elvis) on Jul 26, 2019 at 4:07pm PDT

Elvis could shake his hips and sing in a way that made women of all ages and several members of the US men’s gymnastics team swoon. He gyrated and sang with more confidence and energy than any other singer alive. No one was like him. He dominated the music industry. He was the king of rock and roll. And, in his own way, Brooks Koepka is now dominating his chosen industry and establishing himself as the king.

This past weekend, the PGA Tour came to the TPC Southwind Course in Memphis for the FedEx St Jude Invitational. The perfectly manicured course is 7,244 yards long and just a short drive across town from Graceland. Sixty-three of the top players in the world showed up to compete in the Memphis heat. What sixty-two of those golfers did not know was that they were just going to be the warm-up act for Brooks Koepka.

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Surprisingly, very few analysts selected Koepka to win. One college professor relying on his highly sophisticated mathematical model forecasted Jordan Spieth to be victorious. In the future, he might want to dump his computer model and just give Heide Klum a call. Another analyst referred to Tony Finau as his “dark horse” pick and was immediately accused of racism by local democrats. However, the best bet was the over-under on whether JB Holmes with a 9 am tee time would finish his opening round before dark.

On day one, the Spaniard Jon Rahm took the early lead. His club throwing countryman, Sergio Garcia reportedly played without his driver which was back in Madrid being surgically removed from his caddy’s ear. Rahm finished the day three strokes up on a group that included Patrick Cantlay, Bubba Watson, Cam Smith, and Hideki Matsuyama. Defending champion, Justin Thomas, along with McIlroy and Koepka, were further back but still in the hunt.

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On Day two, Matthew Fitzpatrick, the young man from England, who is too young to know the Beatles much less Elvis Presley, shot 6-under par to take a two-stroke lead into the weekend. The baby faced, young lad had an exciting round hitting a pinpoint wedge on 5, hitting a long birdie putt on 12, and hitting puberty on 18.

However, on Sunday, reality set in. In the distance, you could hear DJ Fontana laying down a rhythm and the Jordanaires working on their back-up vocals, as Brooks Koepka quietly lurked off stage waiting for the main event to begin. As we have learned, it is the final round of competition, when the intensity builds and the tournament is on the line, that Koepka channels Elvis and the rest of the field become Karen and Richard Carpenter.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A post shared by Elvis Presley (@elvis) on Aug 13, 2018 at 10:36am PDT

One can imagine the theme to 2001: Space Odyssey filling the air, as Brooks Koepka stepped onto the first tee and rocked a hunka hunka burnin’ drive to electrify the crowd. Elvis is back. Elvis is alive. In his tight fitting shirt and pants, Koepka exudes sex the same way Duffy Waldorf and Craig Stadler exude cream cheese. With his light blue shirt clinging to his powerful frame, his muscular pecs were literally speaking to the female spectators, saying “Love Me Tender” with every flex and swing of the club. And after each shot you expected him to take his Titleist golf towel, wipe his face, and toss it into the crowd.

What everyone witnessed at TPC Southwind and in recent months was a force of nature. They saw a man changing golf in the same way Elvis transformed music and dynamited the conventions of the fifties. They saw a performer with no weaknesses playing golf to a different beat than everyone around him.

The final round was billed as a showdown between McIlroy and Koepka, Riverdance verses Rock and Roll. But when Koepka hammered out three birdies in a four-hole stretch on the front nine, it was Viva Las Vegas as he cruised to a three-stroke victory.

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Webb Simpson shot a 64 to finish second; Fitzpatrick and McIlroy tied for fourth; and Tommy Fleetwood played well but had to leave early for a hair appointment. Bubba Watson would have finished higher but on the 15th hole he hit a slice so wicked that, if the ball had not hit the creek, it would have returned like a drone to the tee box.

When it was over, Koepka graciously stated how much he enjoyed playing with McIlroy saying “it’s mesmerizing watching him hit. You know it’s always nice to squeak out a victory over probably the best player right now.” And the fact that Koepka said this with a straight face clearly confirms that he is a better actor than Elvis.

With this victory, Koepka wrapped up the regular-season points title and claimed a $2 million bonus. He will enter the FedEx Cup playoffs as the No.1 seed and will remain on top of the billboard charts. And, as the sun set over Memphis, he celebrated the win with his beautiful girlfriend, Jena Sims, while the rest of the players headed solemnly back to their rooms at, that’s right, the Heartbreak Hotel.

Actually, Danny Thomas whose tireless and unselfish efforts in founding Saint Jude Hospital is the real king. Since 1962, his vision has miraculously saved the lives of thousands of children in the fight against cancer. And I am sure that the hug and special moment Koepka gave a young cancer survivor as he walked off the 18th green meant more to that young man than anyone can imagine.

Someday, Koepka may be 50 pounds overweight and playing golf in Vegas in a baggy and beaded jump suit; he may forget how to sink 20 foot putts the way Elvis forgot the lyrics; and he may have some Elvis # 5 black hair dye dripping down from his visor. But to his growing legion of fans, he is now the king and will always be the king. Long live Elvis, long live Brooks Koepka.

Cover Image via Instagram