Danny Willett’s Brother Tears into US Ryder Cup Fans

Danny Willett slipped on the green jacket earlier this year at The Masters and is gearing up for the highly anticipated Ryder Cup.  Meanwhile his brother, Pete Willett, is slipping into headlines, tweeting about team USA and it’s fat, arrogant American fans.

If Europe doesn’t silence the USA Ryder Cup fans then, according to him, “the Americans will claim their second victory this century…those fat, stupid, greedy, classless, bastards.”  That quote comes from an opinion piece Pete Willett wrote for National Club Golfer earlier this week.

My #RyderCup piece.

Sorry to any American followers… but I mean every word. COME ON #TeamEurope @NCGmagazine https://t.co/cPIUW0pFEy

— P J Willett (@P_J_Willett) September 27, 2016

Well Pete, this is how I feel right now…

I think I know what you’re doing, and I like it! Intentional or unintentional.

We love this kind of smack talk so don’t let brother Danny reprimand and openly convey his disappointment in you. This is fuel for the Ryder Cup.  I want bad blood flowing like the salmon waters of Capistrano, in a little place called…Chaska.

Your words are a microcosm for how people in Europe really view us anyway, why retract the truth of your thoughts now. You’re a grown man for God’s sake, you know what you’re writing – such passion exploding from those three stereotypical boxes you cram US golf fans in.

First, “the pudgy, basement-dwelling, irritants, stuffed on cookie dough and pissy beer, pausing between mouthfuls of hotdog so they can scream ‘Baba Booey’ until their faces turn red.”  (By the way I wrote about my hatred for people yelling ‘Baba Booey and ‘Mashed Potatoes,’ you should read it here)

If I could crawl into your brain, I might see an image projection from South Park’s ‘Make Love, Not Warcraft’ episode. Switch the Warcraft obsession with DraftKings and online fantasy websites and you got yourself a match with fat Cartman and those people you describe.

The second box is quite timely, did you watch that entertaining presidential debate by any chance?  Pete Willett writes that team Europe “needs to stun the angry, unwashed, Make America Great Again swarm, desperately gripping their concealed-carry compensators and belting out a mini-erection inducing ‘mashed potato,’ hoping to impress their cousin”

*Side note, who the hell wants to impress their cousin?

Maybe that kid…he’s definitely going to lose his voice from yelling so much ‘Baba Booey’ and ‘Mashed Potatoes.’  Trump loves mashed potatoes too, he thinks they’re excellent.

My favorite group of fans you identify is within the third box, “the obnoxious dads, with their shiny teeth, Lego man hair, medicated ex-wives, and resentful children.  Squeezed into their cargo shorts and boating shoes, they’ll bellow ‘get in the hole’ whilst high-fiving all the other members of the Dentists’ Big Game Hunt Society.”

I heard that stereotypes are natural survival techniques that the brain uses to help keep us safe and simplify the living world around us.  Deep I know. But we all do it whether it’s accurate or not, whether it’s justified or unjustified.

Pete, all I can say is that I hope team USA brings Europe to their bony little knees in defeat.  I sense magic looming in the cool breezes of Minnesota and it favors the home team, who I all suspect have further inspiration with the recent passing of Arnie.  So when team Europe heartbreakingly boards their flight to cross the Atlantic sea there will be no words spoken, solely each’s own thoughts, maybe wondering, “If only we had our own f*cking loyal fans there.”

Cheers, may the best country win!

Cover Photo via Flickr