Shankin’ the Latest Golf News – October 2019

Keeping up with ongoing golf news is as difficult as retrieving six dozen golf balls from the pro shop floor after failing to put a basket under the ball dispenser. Yes, I have done that. So, here are some key stories from recent weeks, which have been collected and shanked for your enjoyment.

Costco Ball Recall

Costco had to recall a batch of their proprietary brand Kirkland Golf Balls. According to employees, there was a packaging mix up with their Mama Lucia Frozen Meatballs. Customers were complaining that the new Kirkland Golf Balls reduced their driving distance but did taste good in a light alfredo sauce. In response, Costco’s Marketing Director sent a notice to all buyers saying, “send me your balls and I’ll give you a refund,” which is the same thing my ex-wife said to me during an alimony dispute.

Experimental Balls from Titleist

Titleist decided to test their latest experimental ball, EXP-01, by releasing it to the general public for feedback and quality testing. It has a urethane cover, a high flight profile, and more dimples than Jennifer Garner. At this point, we are not sure what chemicals are in the core, but some sporting goods stores are selling them by the kilo.

Phil Mickelson’s Body Transformation

Phil Michelson’s body transformation has been a hot topic. He has shed his Pillsbury Dough Boy look and has become noticeably leaner. The firmer look is due to a unique coffee and water diet and not due to an equipment change to a Callaway sports bra as some suspected.

Phil is proud of his leg muscles. Comparative photos reveal his progress.

Koepka’s Knee Surgery

Brooks Koepka recently had surgery to repair a torn patella tendon in his left knee. He is not aware of what caused the injury. However, his doctor believes it was due to him kicking everyone’s ass this past season.

Rule Changes

The USGA has been randomly testing clubs to ensure that all woods and irons are within acceptable standards. They are also experimenting with a potential new rule for dropping a ball. Under the proposed change, players would be required to insert the ball into their fly and allow it to roll out their pants leg.

Shoes for Pan

Nike awarded a special pair of “First Win Edition” golf shoes to C.T. Pan for winning the RBC Heritage. The shoes feature the Heritage logo, the PGA logo, his scores and stats, his birthdate, his wife’s name, and pictures from the tournament. Everything but his social security number and a Betsy Ross American flag. Nike also announced that they are coming out this Fall with a commemorative pair of Colin Kaepernick knee pads.

Safeway Open Trophy

Cameron Champ won the Safeway Open and emotionally dedicated the victory to his ailing grandfather. Somehow the organizers thought that a trophy shaped like a pickle barrel was a good idea. Other ideas included a cheese wheel with a hubcap or a statue of Bobby Jones made out of cold cuts. One can only image what the trophy for the upcoming American Urologists Association Tournament will look like.

Embed from Getty Images

What’s in Your Bag?

Sebastian Munoz won his first PGA Championship last month, using Ping irons, Callaway woods, and Titleist Pro V1 balls. It is always interesting to know what brand of clubs and accessories a professional golfer carries in his bag. However, “what’s in your bag” is not a question you should ask someone on the Seniors/Champions tour. They might think you’re talking about their colostomy.

Free Bio Kim!

Korean golfer, Bio Kim, was suspended for three years by the Korean PGA for flashing the bird at a spectator during a tournament in Gumi, South Korea. The fan had repeatedly distracted Kim with his cell phone throughout the round.

Imagine getting slapped with a 3 year suspension for this 🖕 https://t.co/vPZicL1eGS pic.twitter.com/oaw9j0ur4g

— Golficity (@Golficity) October 1, 2019

Many professional golfers have come to his defense, stating that the spectator (as shown below in the black shirt) deserved the gesture.

Kim has appealed the suspension, but the chances of it being overturned are slim. The South Korean culture is highly punitive. Bio Kim’s brother Math Kim is currently serving a five year sentence for butting up in line at a local convenience store.

Long Drive Championship

Kyle Berkshire won the World Long Drive Championship this summer in Oklahoma. It was a hotly contested event in which one competitor was disqualified for using a t-shirt shooting bazooka to launch several drives.

Most drives were hammered in excess of 400 yards. We don’t have an official distance on Berkshire’s winning drive; but it was last seen boarding a bus in downtown Tulsa.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A post shared by Kyle Berkshire (@kyleberkshire) on Oct 13, 2019 at 2:32pm PDT

The key to his power is his mental approach. He pretends the ball is something unbearably annoying like a traffic jam, a paper cut, or taxes. This explains why the crowd heard him scream “Elizabeth Warren” just before hitting his winning drive.

The conclusion of the FedExCup Championship in August and the onset of football and hockey signaled a natural and reasonable end to the 2019 golf season. However, the 2020 season started just two weeks later. Barely enough time for Jim Nantz to get his hair dyed. Just my opinion, but the PGA should have a more definitive break between seasons.

There are many more events scheduled in the upcoming days such as The Presidents Cup and “The Challenge: Japan Skins,” featuring Tiger Woods, Rory McIlroy, Hideki Matsuyama and Jason Day. And to counter NFL coverage, the PGA is planning a winner-take-all skeeball competition between Tom Watson and Bernard Langer at Dave & Buster’s Arcade in Atlantic City. So, stay tuned, more to come.