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Chasing the Elusive Free Round of Golf

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“Repent! Repent before it’s too late! This is an awful game—a terrible game. Golf will teach you to lie, cheat, chase women, drink whiskey! You’d better quit before it’s too late.”  The old man said making lively hand gestures as he sat by himself over a can of Coors Light at the Greenville Municipal Golf Course

About half-way through my first year playing golf, I encountered this man, who just seemed to be hanging out in the club house, drinking a beer and trying to remember glory days. It didn’t look to me like he was gearing up to play any holes or even practice. The man must have been around to remember the early days of the course when it was developed to cater to the U.S. Air Force Base that was once adjacent to it.

“Repent, repent before it’s too late…” he repeated his shtick before we got out of the clubhouse. He was like Circe warning Odysseus of the trials before him, although what seemed most alarming to me was that apparently your short term memory goes before your love of the game.

One of the commonly held beliefs about golf, which you quickly learn holds some truth: It’s expensive. My friend John, who has been teaching me the game for the last year, has indefinitely loaned me his clubs along with a three wood, a couple of old drivers and a set of EXD clubs, missing a six iron. He even lets me use his vintage Titleist Scotty Cameron model putter.

I haven’t run out to join a country club, opting instead to pay as I go at the local municipal golf course, sometimes playing the nine hole course at Delta State University which has recently introduced $10 twilight golf from 5:00 to 7:00 PM—you get a cart and as much golf as you can play. They usually let you stay a little late. Twilight golf has become an inexpensive and fun way to round off a work day. The course is home to a handful of mallards and several choice water hazards with neatly groomed knees around the cypress trees. It has two par 3 holes and two par five holes. There’s no water on the #2 par 3, so I can reliably shoot a 4 on that one. I may not be Jason Day, but a bogey is good for me at this stage in the game.

The special at DSU got my appetite going for not only checking out new courses but also getting to play for a discounted rate. This inspired me to roll the dice on a Google search for “Free round of golf.” Low and behold, there are courses around the United States and in some other countries that will comp your green fees and even throw in a cart under certain conditions—usually for your birthday.

“Did you make a reservation?” the golf pro asked me in the large, vaulted ceiling pro shop at Riverbend Links golf course in Tunica, Mississippi.

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“No, sir,” I replied revealing my printed out coupon for a free round.

“You’re okay this time, but I’m just letting you know for future reference. Some people have shown up before and haven’t been able to play.”

“Thanks for letting me know.” On my actual birthday, I played 18 holes with my friends John and Mark, and I had a week left to drive up to Tunica to use my birthday coupon. Riverbend Links allows you a free round with a cart within a week before or after your birthday not counting Fridays or Saturdays. Considering Sunday would be Easter, I boogied up Highway 61 solo, after being let off work early, for my chance to play what is billed as “the only Scottish Links style course in the Mid-South.”

My friend had bought me a box full of Nike Mojo balls and a bag full of bamboo tees for my birthday, so I decided I was going to play all brand new balls on the course. It was probably the nicest course I’ve ever played, although the dunes, with their tall grass traps, made it challenging at first.

I had the place pretty much to myself teeing off at the #1, but the grounds crew were making their rounds on their massive lawn-mowing machines. My first drive flew off to the right, nearly hitting one of the groundskeepers. Without flinching, he stopped, politely pointing into the grass where my ball had landed. The grass traps were no joke, and with nobody but the landscapers watching, I began to drop balls instead of bushwhacking through knee-high brush.

The par 3 holes were idyllic, with only one of them over water. Their greens were surrounded by sand traps, which I managed to avoid for the most part. The tee boxes were set off with four different color pairs of dice, and I was hitting off of the yellows which were the third back. The pins on some of the par 3 holes were only around 159 yards out, and I teed off with a seven iron on most of them, shooting a 4 on each one.

Several holes had doglegs, and you couldn’t clearly tell where the pin was from the tee. I had to shoot towards the green and white striped pole in the middle of the chessboard fairway. Once I got near that marker, I could see the green.

I didn’t break 100 even with the handful of mulligans I gave myself, especially on the 18th hole which has water on both sides. After sinking several off to the right per my typical right-fading drives, I managed to adjust far enough left to sink some into the water trap on the other side, but I hit the ground first. That would have to do. I’m sure in all honesty, I finished the last hole with a score somewhere north of a ten, but at least I had a nice relaxing afternoon working on my golf game, scoring an honest bogey on several holes.

Once I got situated, I returned to main room of the clubhouse where the manager of the pro shop sat watching golf on TV.

“Playing golf on your own will sure teach you how to lie to yourself,” I said.

“Yeah, but it’s good to do sometimes,” he replied with a laugh.

The old man at the clubhouse in Greenville was right, this game will teach you to lie!

Here are a few resources I have found to help Golficity readers find a free round of golf near them:

I can’t help with lies, whiskey, or women, but hopefully I’ve helped some readers also find a free round of golf. Happy hitting!


 

Warren Hines is a non-fiction writer native to Greenville, Mississippi. His columns have most frequently appeared in The Local Voice in Oxford, Mississippi, and his music journalism has run on a number of music sites including American Blues Scene, Jambands, and Memphis Flyer. Warren is an amateur golfer and water sports enthusiast who has traveled throughout the Pacific and Australia, occasionally taking time out of his beer-drinking time to go surfing. He currently lives with his wife and two dogs and is working on a travel memoir project.

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