OPINION: I Really Suck at Golf and This is What I’m Going to Do About it

How I came to realize I really suck at golf and what I’m doing about it.

How many times have you faced a routine shot on the golf course and totally biffed it? 

OK, how many times a round do you do that? 

Now, how many times after you’ve biffed said shots have you said to yourself, “Man, do I suck!” 

Sure, we all have. It’s only human, and natural, and expected. We want every shot to be as magical as Tiger Woods’ fam 

That unbelievable Tiger Woods fairway bunker shot | WGC Mexico 2019

In the second round of the 2019 World Golf Championships-Mexico Championship, Tiger Woods hits his 132-yard bunker shot on the par-4 9th hole to 11 feet then two putts for par. SUBSCRIBE to PGA TOUR now: http://pgat.us/vBxcZSh The World Golf Championships – Mexico Championship returns to Chapultepec Golf Course.

Plus, 99 times out of 100 saying “I suck at golf” following a weak moment is simply out of light self-deprecating frustration humor. Most don’t really believe it, but it just needed to be said to clear the air.

I can readily admit I’m the one of that 100 who will say I suck at golf because, well, I’ve realized I really suck at this game I love.

And that’s OK.

Why? Because admitting you have a problem is the first step to a solution and being real with yourself. 

Personally, I believe one of the reasons why I’m so hard on myself about not being better is because I gave this game up for almost two decades and returning isn’t like riding a bike. I should’ve never quit in the first place but I won’t get into that now (it’s a sore subject).

My return to the game came from unexpectedly seeing a driving range attached to a mini golf course. It sparked my kid to want to try it after 18 frustrating putt putt holes. Grabbing two atrocious rental clubs and a couple of medium buckets, my first drive went well over 200 with straight as an arrow trajectory.

I was hooked again. One stroke of a garbage powder blue rental monstrosity with my kid and I was a golf junkee once again. 

I figured I’d buy some clubs, hit the range a few times, and before long be hitting bombs and carding birdies. I mean, I am technically in my high school hall of fame for playing golf so I had to have some inherent talent, right? 

As a matter of fact, that driving range was selling a used set of the infamous Big Brother knock-off irons and woods plus a more modern driver for $30. What a deal to get started again!

A year later I caught a killer deal on a genuine, new-in-the-box set of 2002 Callaway Big Bertha irons for just $75 via Facebook Marketplace. I had gone from not playing in forever to cobbling together a quality set of used clubs to begin tackling my golf dreams.

I found a never hit set of these for $75!

Well, fast forward two years from that fateful trip to the range. I’ve played a few 9-hole rounds and now it’s mid-2019. I played in a scramble which I brought very little to the table. Hell, I even won last place prizes. Then, my next two rounds were absolute disasters with maybe 3 or 4 great shots in 36 holes. Subsequent range sessions also proved useless.

My game wasn’t leaking oil. The oil was already out and the engine was simply seizing. 

I admitted to myself a couple of weeks ago that I suck at golf. And then I had to find out why.

First and foremost, I need to lose weight. Dropping 10 or 170 off my frame would really begin to allow for better body movement, stamina, and proper swing mechanics. Until then, find the best and most comfortable methods for me to play as I stand now are ongoing, as well as changing my life schedules to allow for more exercise and movement (which is a work in progress too). But my trust in many gyms during the COVID-19 pandemic runs right up there with convenience store bathrooms or in politicians actually legislating and not bickering.

Little Chocolate Donuts – SNL

Marv Albert narrates this commercial in which John Belushi attributes his athletic success as a cigarette-smoking decathlon champion to eating Little Chocolate Donuts for breakfast. [Season 3, 1977] #SNL Subscribe to SNL: https://goo.gl/tUsXwM Get more SNL: http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live Full Episodes: http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-liv…

Second, I need to really carve out more practice time. I was working a job that began to crush me several years ago. I was never without acknowledgement about how much and how hard I worked for my employer, but time was something I was not getting back in recognition of my going above and beyond, among other things not provided. 

Third, I finally realized how much of a lie the old statement “practice makes perfect.” Bad practice creates bad results, but quality practice is what wins out. Since one of my issues was definitely not being able to afford lessons, I had to find teachings and ways that would help me swing my swing to be the benchmarks to build my game on. I found them in the series put out by Me & My Golf to teach newbies how to play, figuring if I’m tearing this game down to the foundation that fundamentals were where I needed to start over from.

Yes, this is a great refresher course or one to show a friend or family member who wants to learn:

BEGINNER GOLF BASICS – PART 1

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So in true Joe fashion, I did the second thing first. I changed jobs. Yes, even in a global pandemic I was able to find a pretty incredible career switch to go back into broadcasting but with a new role as the General Manager for my new employer’s State College, PA radio station group, digital products, and video services. A bold undertaking in COVID-19 uncertainty? Sure, but the bold are often the ones to come out ahead on the other side.

With this new position came new hours and new recreational opportunities. There is a lot of golf here. I have my sticks ready. I have time now to actually practice and play. I was so excited…until moving and assembling lots of IKEA-like furniture became my reality. What happened?

A picture says a thousand words. I developed tendonitis in my left hand, right down my thumb. I couldn’t grab a box of pasta without wincing in really sharp pain. So, I have to wear this a good bit while I alleviate the pain and strengthen.

Interestingly enough, using this brace at the range wasn’t bad at all as the metal insert almost perfectly aligned the club in my hands to keep my online lesson consistent. I hit good drives, most of them with a baby left to right fade into center and running 240 to 270. And I even hit decent irons, running a weak by today’s standard 7 iron to about 140 to 150. It was a good day at a fun range carved out of an active cornfield with $5 buckets of pretty decent balls. (Have I mentioned I really love this part of PA for things like this? It’s amazing). 

To paraphrase the voice in Field of Dreams, “If you bomb it, he will come.” $5 buckets at the drive by and you’ll miss it Nittanee Creek Practice Range.

And then I hurt my back the next day. That lat strain on my left side is still bothering me well over a week later, so it will be some treatment and stretching routines to get back out there.

I’ll keep you up to date with what’s going on with my attempts to resurrect my game. I’m starting from scratch. I’m even looking into coaches here and really want to at least get some cardio going with walks around my new home base of Bellefonte, PA.

But if there is an online golf guru whose lessons you’ve just fallen in love with for their idiot proof way to teach the game to a guy like me, let me know in the comments.

Until next time, I’ll be here plotting my course and alternating acetaminophen and ibuprofen. Ouch.